Bleh

I haven't been on here in a while. Mainly because I forgot about it and another reason would be that I just felt like I haven't needed to post anything. Anywho, I'm on here now, mainly because I feel I need to vent and can't proofread my book like I want to. *Time to catch up* I have a daughter who is going to be a year and a half within the next 20 days. She's talking, walking, running, and all out into everything...next item on agenda, New Years was last night and was awesome. Don't think I've stayed up that long in a while, and it was good to catch up with friends, even if a few didn't show up. I'm seeing an amazing guy, who treats me and my daughter with the respect we deserve. My boyfriend and I are looking at buying a house. I'm going to be going back to school in roughly 2 weeks. Well, I think that caught everyone up to speed. Oh, I'm not with previously mentioned boyfriend in older posts, if you're a follower that's been reading my blogs, but if not my ex kicked me and my daughter out last year the day before my sisters birthday. NOW we're caught up. So, what's my reasoning for coming on? I'm not exactly sure, I was watching a show...well bits and pieces of a show, and I'm not even sure what the show is called. All I know is that there's four women, all in their own situations and what not, and apparently one of the girls started chemo therapy and started loosing her hair. And she thought everyone was looking at her weird because she shaved her head (which everyone WAS looking at her weird), and I'm not sure...I started tearing up. And nothing that I know of is happening to me that even pertains closly to having cancer. Sure I think about my daughter and what I would do if somethign happened to her (which involves a LOT of crying on my part). And then, I have my grandma, who isn't doing very well since my grandpa died earlier of 2012. My cousins have been moneyhungry people, that don't know when enough is enough. My daughter just woke up, when she is supposed to be asleep. I don't have a lot of money and I'm going to be reducing my hours because I'm going to be starting school. I've gotten my second to last warning before I'm terminated from my job because I'm not "Upselling" (giving sale items to customers over the phone, but only if they qualify). Not being able to pay for daycare, and for myself. Having to depend on my boyfriend and the government and my parents for the support I need. I'm an independant person, and I enjoy having my independance. But I'm busier than I would like and I don't have time to take care of things like I would like to. I'm living with my parents and I'm the only one who is cleaning and maintaining the house. My parents are too busy with all of their side jobs because they are barely making it as is (and that's without government help). Looks like I have to cut my rant short since, my daughter is insisting on staying up and no amount of coaxing is going to put her to bed. Ugh! -_- Oh well, I love the little darling to pieces and watch, by the time this whole thing is published she'll have fallen to sleep, and I'll be cursing myself for not finishing my blog, because I have much more to talk about. I feel like constantly crying for some reason and I just can't figure it out, and I don't have a lot of people I can talk to...well I mean I do, but there's just never an opportunity to actually talk to them in the seriousness of context that the conversation would need. Alright, well, she doesn't seem to want to go to bed, so I'll be going to bed and hope she follows suit as well. Good night everyone and...wait a second did she just go to sleep? I hate my babymoniter it can be so staticky sometimes. And nope she's not so I shall bid a good night until probably tomorrow where I hope to finish my train of thoughts.

insert title here

fights are never good things. of course...sometimes they might not be bad things, but all the same, nobody likes them.

Fights can hurt, fights can burn, fights are like hot coals ready to burn if given the chance.

we dont' mean to hurt the ones we love it just happens, sometimes we wish we hadn't but we do anyways.

one may say you're being nosey the other will say they were helping a friend, are either of them wrong? no, are either of them right? possibly. they both see it from their own perspectives, and that's what starts the fights. no body has the same perspective and that will stay the same. but we can't hate each other because we have different perspectives. but many of us do. we can't stand to be around people who don't think like we do. and if there is by some rare chance that we actually like someone who doesn't think like us we quickly find a reason to hate them so we don't get shunned by others.

fights can be good, and fights can be bad. we all need to look at the real reason we fight, and if it's even worth while for the reason we're fighting for. weather we feel wronged in some way or not. it's better to look at the big picture then rather to lose a friendship over something silly.

but not everyone will think like that. Why? because we know it's right and we don't want to. because nobody else will do it if we do. but there are people who do it, but some of us just don't rationalize and see what we're doing until it's too late.

forgive the person who wronged you, perhaps they had a good reason to do it. or maybe it's possible someone has a quick temper and can't think until afterwards? either way we all must take a deep breath and look at what we could have if there were indeed no fights. but that's only in a perfect world right?

why not start out and begin to make your world perfect? it takes one person to get something started, it takes courage to put it in motion.

~Falcon

Caged Bird

Why do I feel like a caged bird? Is it because I can't do everything that I'd like? Is it because people are telling me what I can and can't do even though I am well enough to make my own decisions? I'm trying to figure this one out. Everything feels hopeless...I'm traped in a greased glass tube. I look around and people try to help me but are cut off and pushed back by another force. It calls itself the "protective force". Most of the time I like it but...now it's making me feel helpless. It was nice at first...to know someone cared for me enough to put their life on the line, but now...now it's for silly things...stupid things. It makes me feel like I need to go to different measures to make myself feel better. I'm at a loss, and nothing I do makes it better...only worse.

~Falcon

What Would You Do?

What would you do if someone close to you died today right in front of you?
What would you do if you found out you were pregnant and you had no money?
What would you do if the person you love the most in the world left you?
What would you do if your best friend acted like they didn't care about you anymore?
What would you do if your true friends aren't what they seem?
What would you do if you find people who can help you but you don't accept their help?
What would you do if you lost everything in the world?
What would you do if you became homeless over night?
What would you do if your country was bombed and you had no where to go?
What would you do if you saw a helpless child going through the garbages looking for a meal?
What would you do if someone was so down on their luck they lost all hope of a future?
What would you do if tomorrow was going to be taken away from you?
What would you do if a little lost kitten looked you straight in the eye begging for a home?
What would you do if you watched someone take an only child from a parent?
What would you do if you watched a murder happen right in front of you?
What would you do if someone asked for a piece of clothing because they had none of their own?
What would you do if all of this happened to you?

vacation

so...seems when my family wants to do something fun im the one that always gets sick:( so my family decided they wanted to go on vacation to washington dc area and i get burned...not sure if i have heat stroke or not idk...anywho vacation sucks...havent seen sweetie in almost seven or eight days so far and i miss him greatly but ill let you go before my phone decides to die

So Sad :(

soooooo...obviously I'm safe and the tornado never came :P course I could've said that a little sooner for my invisible followers. So Sweetie and I are trying to figure out what we're going to do for 2 weeks while I'm on vacation. We can't talk on the phone and we won't be able to text alot when I'm sight seeing or my mom will get really pissed. :( And I have to make sure to pay attention to my cousins or I'll get hell for that too. I'm just not gonna win :(

Well I also found out that Sweetie won't be moving up to Madison with me :( It's just too impossible right now. So idk what's going to happen. And I'm worried about him :( he's got so much stress right now, and he can't find a job. :( And I'm just a little annoyed because of my aunt. She says that I shouldn't set my heart on him because of some of the stories I told her. She thinks he'll treat me the way he treats his mom which I know he won't because he's a complete and absolute sweetheart. And he knows I would've left by now if he was an ass. He knows I dont' stand for people like that. Kinda wish my aunt would stay out of my business X( but oh well I only have to spend 2 weeks with her...which I guess isn't even two weeks at the moment anyways because we're leaving early wedensday morning and coming back on the 9th...idk. I'll miss my Sweetie from here to the moon and back again :( I love you so much Sweetie. Hugs and Kisses!

~Falcon

blaaaaaah!

So my mom's giving me a lecture on how my bf and I are too "intimate" in public. I don't see it but oh well. She says I shouldn't have leaned against him at my party. I needed something to lean against when I didn't have the back of the chair...brb tornado warning. soooo i'll update this later...gotta go secure things just in case :(

~Falcon