Caged Bird

Why do I feel like a caged bird? Is it because I can't do everything that I'd like? Is it because people are telling me what I can and can't do even though I am well enough to make my own decisions? I'm trying to figure this one out. Everything feels hopeless...I'm traped in a greased glass tube. I look around and people try to help me but are cut off and pushed back by another force. It calls itself the "protective force". Most of the time I like it but...now it's making me feel helpless. It was nice at first...to know someone cared for me enough to put their life on the line, but now...now it's for silly things...stupid things. It makes me feel like I need to go to different measures to make myself feel better. I'm at a loss, and nothing I do makes it better...only worse.

~Falcon

What Would You Do?

What would you do if someone close to you died today right in front of you?
What would you do if you found out you were pregnant and you had no money?
What would you do if the person you love the most in the world left you?
What would you do if your best friend acted like they didn't care about you anymore?
What would you do if your true friends aren't what they seem?
What would you do if you find people who can help you but you don't accept their help?
What would you do if you lost everything in the world?
What would you do if you became homeless over night?
What would you do if your country was bombed and you had no where to go?
What would you do if you saw a helpless child going through the garbages looking for a meal?
What would you do if someone was so down on their luck they lost all hope of a future?
What would you do if tomorrow was going to be taken away from you?
What would you do if a little lost kitten looked you straight in the eye begging for a home?
What would you do if you watched someone take an only child from a parent?
What would you do if you watched a murder happen right in front of you?
What would you do if someone asked for a piece of clothing because they had none of their own?
What would you do if all of this happened to you?

vacation

so...seems when my family wants to do something fun im the one that always gets sick:( so my family decided they wanted to go on vacation to washington dc area and i get burned...not sure if i have heat stroke or not idk...anywho vacation sucks...havent seen sweetie in almost seven or eight days so far and i miss him greatly but ill let you go before my phone decides to die

So Sad :(

soooooo...obviously I'm safe and the tornado never came :P course I could've said that a little sooner for my invisible followers. So Sweetie and I are trying to figure out what we're going to do for 2 weeks while I'm on vacation. We can't talk on the phone and we won't be able to text alot when I'm sight seeing or my mom will get really pissed. :( And I have to make sure to pay attention to my cousins or I'll get hell for that too. I'm just not gonna win :(

Well I also found out that Sweetie won't be moving up to Madison with me :( It's just too impossible right now. So idk what's going to happen. And I'm worried about him :( he's got so much stress right now, and he can't find a job. :( And I'm just a little annoyed because of my aunt. She says that I shouldn't set my heart on him because of some of the stories I told her. She thinks he'll treat me the way he treats his mom which I know he won't because he's a complete and absolute sweetheart. And he knows I would've left by now if he was an ass. He knows I dont' stand for people like that. Kinda wish my aunt would stay out of my business X( but oh well I only have to spend 2 weeks with her...which I guess isn't even two weeks at the moment anyways because we're leaving early wedensday morning and coming back on the 9th...idk. I'll miss my Sweetie from here to the moon and back again :( I love you so much Sweetie. Hugs and Kisses!

~Falcon

blaaaaaah!

So my mom's giving me a lecture on how my bf and I are too "intimate" in public. I don't see it but oh well. She says I shouldn't have leaned against him at my party. I needed something to lean against when I didn't have the back of the chair...brb tornado warning. soooo i'll update this later...gotta go secure things just in case :(

~Falcon

Graduation Party

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all that needs to be said on the subject...lol. Nah just sitting here with my dork friend Aarons girl. She told me of her expierence in a grocery store where she met my boyfriend and my's future kid lol. It was a very scary story. So we got three picture boards done and tomorrow we'll prolly work on decorations...might take her shopping tonight so she can help me lol. Yay I get to spend another paycheck on this crap :P oh well...well now Aarons girl and I are sitting in my living room and she's reading Sweetie's birthday present...I'd tell you what it is but idk when Sweetie will read this blog XD lol but yeah...I'm gonna go and see what else we can do until I get a car and we can go to Taco Bell yay! lol

~Falcon

Failure

So I am a complet failure...I can't do anything right, I might not graduate, and all because of this class I didn't want to take. Mom made me take it because I can get "college" credit for it which I'm not even gonna get because it doesn't work for the school I'm going to. It only works for colleges in my hometown so there was no point in me taking this class because it's not gonna get me anywhere and i wanted to take an easier class but mom wouldn't let me and now i'm probably not going to graduate and mom's not going to listen to anything i have to say about. and i'm also not going to get any scholarships and mom's not going to like that and idk...i'm just a complete and utmost failure i need to go now before i pass out from lack of air, i can't feel anything right now.

~Falcon

Hope your lives are better then mine

In Utter Pain?

I'm gonna start at the BEGINNING of this week...just so I can get everything out...bear with me peoples.

*inhales deeply then exhales* Kay so Sunday was the norm, well mostly except we missed 8 o' clock church (I didn't mind that at all) but then we went to Sunday School, and I helped Tattoo boy as I always do. Oh yay :) this week is movie and popcorn :) *does a small victory dance* lol originally i was going to miss it because of the Senior FFA trip (that got cancelled, but I'll get into that more later) Okay so after church I just kinda locked myself in my room...or was that the day Sweetie came over...I don't remember, I did something so I didn't have to deal with mom most of the day. Well then mom called me upstairs because she decided to "renovate" my sisters closet. (the reason it needed "renovating" is because the fireplace chimneys right there and there was a crack where moisture was coming in so the paint was bubbling there was a big bubble about oh idk a foot and a half? or so) So mom got all the paint and the lathe off the thatching. For those of you that don't know what Lathe and Thatching is either look it up on the internet or wait until I post a picture because it's really really cool, but you can only find it in old houses, but please PLEASE don't go tearing up your house walls to find lathe and thatching, because you might have the same consenquences as my mom lol. So mom called me upstairs because she needed to run to the store and needed me to vacumme up the army of ants that was crawling in through the thatching that mom had uncovered. So I stood there vacumming up these damn ants that were about half an inch big, idk what they were I just know that they were huge! And mom had a can of RAID in the closet well, I wanted the flow of ants to at least slow down a little...and mom had half a can of RAID left. Lol guess who used up the rest of the raid :P In my defense it slowed them down. The entire time I was talking to one of my friends I'm gonna nickname...Lotain Girl cuz she always has Lotain on hand. So I was texting Lotion girl (see I spelled it right now) :P okay but I was texting her and I'm just like can you come help me get rid of these ants? And she walked up to her mom, with a fly swatter mind you, and asked if she could help me kill these ants. Her mom's all like you're doing WHAT with a flyswatter? But then Sweetie called me on my new cell :) oh yes I got a new cell, tired of U.S. Cellular screwing me over so I got a Straight Talk phone they're really reasonable $45 per month for unlimited, mins, pic messaging, texting, and internet access :) I was excited but anywho, Sweetie called me and I was explaining my situation with him and mom came up out of nowhere and was all like "Why're you on the phone?" I'm just like "Talking to Dad" (cause heaven forbide I talk to my boyfriend oooooh no that's a HUGE no no with my mom, seeing him ONCE a week is enough *eye roll* it's unfair :( *pouts*) okay but back to my story so mom got whatever the hell she got and it killed all the ants :) (yay) and then Lotion Girl asked if I could hang out and I said I'd try to see if I could, so I asked mom and she, of course, said No, then dad came home with Little Girl a few minutes later and he came out on the porch (which is where I was sulking) and asked what was wrong and I asked him if he could convince mom to let me go. And like the good dad he is he did and was able to convince mom to let me go. It then took me a half hour to find Lotion Girls house (mainly cuz I was on the wrong street, but that was besides the point) (I promise this all will tie into something) So then me and Lotion Girl went to Culvers and we talked and chat cuz, well I never just hang with her it's always...shit do I have a nickname for her yet? Um well I'll use the beginning of her e-mail, so I'm always hanging out with Cutie and not Lotion Girl and I thought it would be a good change of pace, and plus I was pissed wiht Cutie because we BOTH were supposed to work on the Senior powerpoint and here she is working on it by herself and I'm just like so I was I ever going to be aware of you doing this? And she's just like you were busy and I'm just like with what?! but yeah getting back to why I'm blogging...Lotion Girl and I were hanging at Culvers then I took her home around quarter to ten, and then I went to my house and got there around ten. At that exact moment...one of my friends was in a car accident with four other teens from Funroe. But nobody knew that...at least not yet.

Monday:

I got up, got ready for school, then my world crashed around me after I saw almost the whole school crying. I asked Cutie why people were all sad and she said she'd tell me in Choir. So then, I gave her my old p hone (cause it's not deactivated yet) and she took it and called her mom to see if she could go home, which her mom said no. So then Ermit (my jealous non-ex) came in and asked me why people were crying and I told him I didn't know. and then he said, "Do you know any details?" and I said, "No, Cutie said she'd tell me in Choir," and he said, "Did she actually say that or did you just not listen?" (and the only reason he said that was because he needed to tell me something on Friday and I told him I'd listen to him any other day, but I had to work right after school got out so I had to run, and he was all that's typical of you and etc. etc. you get the jist) and so I blew up in his face and yelled at him for a good five minutes or so, long enough to get him backed up into the water fountain. And then Arial dragged me away from him before I could start beating him, and she calmed me down and said there had been two deaths and I told her I knew that and that was all I knew. As the day progressed...I found out who the deaths were and why they had died.

The deaths were of Cory Becker (Pecker accourding to the FFA) and Amber Moehn{I dont' think I spelled her last name right} They had been out driving on Sunday night with two Juniors, and they had decided to play chicken, the Juniors were driving. Neither of the Juniors swerved and the vehicles hit head on, Pecker wasn't wearing a seat belt and was projected from his vehicle, he was medflighted to Mad town. Amber had a seat belt on and was pronounced dead at the sceen. The two drivers had minor injuries (rumors were one lost fingers and the other lost their tongue) one of the drivers has been rumored to have gotten out of the hospital the same night, and a few hours later commited suicide. As for the other driver I have not heard an update. The school has been brought together after this horiffic event and we have all realized even though we have these different cliques, we are still the same and are connected in same way or another.

Our school has learned that we must put aside our differences and work together to get along. They are getting together to help raise money to help the parents with the funerals. And I hope that they are successful.

Tuesday:

I woke up feeling prego. Which I'm not, but I went to school and had a splitting headache all day and all night, lights killed and moving my head too fast made me feel as if I would pass out. I also had hot and cold flashes all day and into the night

Wednesday A.K.A. today:

I woke up with the same headache as yesterday, and still got hot and cold falshes so mom had me stay home and gave me tylonal, the headache left around noon and I just got it back :( But I'll get over it, as long as it doesn't develop into what Sweetie has, which is a headache whenever I'm not with him. But I'm gonna get to my homework now...25 notecards due by tomorrow for Engilsh...I have three done, and the internet wasn't working all day :(

~Falcon

pissed x(

So my mom decides that the kitchen isnt to her liking...which it kinda is a mess because my dad and i were baking some bars quickly...but then she freaks out on me when shes the one that made most of the mess in the first place ugh it pisses me off sooooooo much then she tells me to clean it and when she came back downstairs to find it still a mess she freaks on me and says i cant have any friends over which is flippin bs cause Sweeties coming over and theres no way in hell im turning him away after he drives an hour and a half or so to get here just so i can drag him around everywhere its just fucking not gonna happen oh...i typed this on my new phone :) hence no punctuatuin and possible grammer errors lol well ill let yall go cause i have two texts from Sweetie and he'll freak out if i dont answer them soon peace Falcon

Bored in Funroe

Title pretty much says it all...just kinda sitting on the porch...on my laptop...stealing wifi...talking to Sweetie :) lol but other then that...bored outta my mind, but i get to see him tomorrow after school :) cause Rockytown (that's what I'm calling it) has spring break this upcoming week, and I had it last week...which sucks cause I do sunrise service at my church which means I get up at 3 so i can get a friend by 3:30 so we can be at church by 4 so that we can perform a play at 6 fun fun no? Br it's getting cold outside. Hummmmmmmmm what else what else...mom says I'm gonna have homework tomorrow, but I don't think I will...I have all easy classes...and I'm pretty sure I didn't have homework over springbreak...I should prolly check on that. Oh well, I was working on 4-H projects over the week so :P Oh so Yesterday was Sweetie and my 2 month anniversary :) yay 2 months! lol

Hmmmm...plays, so I did the sunrise service play today...that went pretty well...now I just have one more play to do :P thankfully that's sometime this month, but then we have to perform it again...and then three more times at the state fair :P not a happy camper, but who cares what my thoughts are on that (except my Sweeties :) ) But hey that's all that counts right? Soooo...I'm gonna give my Sweetie the URL for this site and see if I can get him to get his butt on here lol. :P Love you Sweetie! But as far as I know I don't have much to blog...mom and Little Girl are watching the Amazing Race and Dad went to one of his friends houses to sit in their hot tub lol...me and my cat are on the porch looking at the invisible stars and my
Sweetie and one of his friends is at a BK with free WiFi go him! lol :P Well looks like I'm outta ideas and my batteries half gone :( lol back to my Facebook! he he he...I should work on my cross stitching...DAMN LEAVES THAT SOUND LIKE ANIMALS COMING TO ATTACK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kay I'm done spazzing for the night. Love my Sweetie and Peace to ya'll not reading this!

~Falcon

iPod touch :D

So I got N ipod touch today yay me lol I'm excited lol still getting used to it hough :p but I'm getting the hang of it slowly but a
surly but it's pretty cool actuAlly I'm typingthis up on it it's prety frickin sweet :D. But yeah I'm gonna leave this like this because my mom doesn't know I have one and I'm going to keep it thAt wa for a bit at least until I sell my old one idk well see what happens so I leave you all with my fondest regArds I love All you guys! Keep on keepin on lol

~falcon

Complicated Much?

RAWR! so yeah...remember that sophmore kid i was talkign about last time? I dont' remember what his nickname was so yeah...stupid sophmore, he friggin keeps on annoying me to know on saying i promised him crap and stuff...which i didn't! But yeah no he doesn't believe any of that...love people that try to get their way like that *eye roll* okay but anywho, he found out I have a boyfriend (by the way happy one week Sweetie :D ) and I had told him that I wasn't going to see my boyfriend until Valentines day, but day after Sweetie (that's what I'm gonna call him now) asked me to be his girlfriend, I got sick of Funroe and decided to go visit him...which surprised the shit out of him (I feel very accomplished :D ) and then stupid sophmore found out about that and he's all like I thought you were gonna see "Sweetie" on Valentines day not before, and I'm just like well we WEREN'T gonna see each other until Valentines day, but I got annoyed with my parents and wanted out so I went down to see him...it was completely unschedualed. And stupid sophmores being all bullshit, you planned on seeing him, and I'm like well yeah...after I was halfway there...kinda had to be planned by then.

But yeah so...my boyfriend :D he's sweet and caring, and a complete sweetheart DAMN MY PHONE AND IT'S SHUTTING OFF RANDOMLY! okay ADD moment there...but I never knew anyone could be so sweet as he is. He came and visited me today and gave me Part 1 of a 2 part gift...(which I still say you didn't need to get me!) but anywho...I should stop complaining and just accept it right? Yeah well anyways, I saw him today, it was fun, we hung out for about...what was it 2 hours? 3? Anyways, I was excited and I've never felt so connected to anyone in my entire life before. I dont' know what I would do without him. :)

German homework...oops, kinda due tomorrow. I'll do it...eventually :P hopein' for a snow day tomorrow, but we already had one today. Although what's completely B.S. is that I live in WI and we only have one, that's right count it ONE, free snow day...the rest we have to make up...well unless you're a senior (which I am :D ) then you don't have to make it up. Well I'm gonna leave ya'll with that before my mom takes away my computer privliages.

~Falcon

Chilling

Now...I'm not all into the christian stuff and all...and I KNOW this describes teh end of Christ and all, but...I just found it chilling and I just HAD to share it with all teh people who arnt' reading my blog :P If you read my blog I'm cool with that you people are cool. But anywho, so basically what you have to do is insert your name where teh blanks are. Oh also *disclamer* ~eye roll~ w/e but still, I'm not trying to push any of this christian stuff on you...I jsut went to youth group and we did this "exercise" if you will. I thought it was cool and decided to share it with you so :P if you hate me for this. So...here we go

Out of the corner of my eye, as the soldiers led me away, I saw Pilate washing his hands. The last thing I heard as I was taken off to be beaten was, "Crucify _________"

The cries of the crowd were charged, but the roman solders were just cold, calculated and cruel. They led me to a whipping post where I was stripped naked. Over and over they pounded instruments of torture against my flesh-cutting, tearing and ripping literal strips of skin off my back. Inner muscles and sinews were torn. That's what happened when they scourged me (_________), by whips embedded with glass, nails and bone.

Careful not to kill me, for I still had a cross to bear, they put aside their whips-but only to make an absolute mockery of me. The soldiers, out of sport and boredom, covered my raw, burning flesh with a scarlet robe and placed a crown made of prickly thorns into my scalp. I was in physical agony, but they had the time to kneel before my shaking body adn spit upon me like I was some villiage idiot. "Hail, King of the Jews," they sneered as my insides bled to the ground around me. If only they knew.

The physical break was short-lived. It was time for me to carry my cross. I knew the burden was mine, _______'s. I sturggled with the weight of it for some time, but ultimately I fell to my knees. Another man had to help me finish the journey up to Golgotha.

When we got to the top of the hill, they offered me wine mixed with myrrh to dull my pain and senses. There was still so much suffering ahead; they needed to make sure I was able to tolerate all of it. I refused. I needed to bear this pain. I, _______, needed to feel every excruciatng moment.

What they did next was the most horrible torture mankind had yet devised. Crucifixion was designed to kill by way of slow suffocation. As the arms and legs of most victims were bound, the upper body would lose its strength, eventually collapsign the weight of the body onto the lungs. But instead of letting my body collapse onto itself, they drove spikes through the bones of my ___________'s wrists-adding extra support and extra time to my suffering. They nailed my feet into the cross so that I could stand longer.

As I hung there from my own limbs, I, __________, suffered the effects of any human body exposed to such trauma. The insufferable thirst of being hung in the sun fueled the fever brought on by the swelling of my wounds. Tetanus began to set in from the rusty nails, and the wounds from which I was hanging tore further as my body shook harder and harder.

Yet, I never lost sight of my purpose on that cross. Even as the soldiers gambled my garments away while I hung there convulsing, even as they hung a mocking sign above me reading, "This is _________, the King of the Jews," I still kept my character. On either side of me were true criminals-thieves being crucified for their crimes. One of them was defiant, mocking me, daring me to come down off of my cross. How much I wanted to. The other criminal understood who I was. He asked if I would remember him when I came into my kingdom. Of course I would. He reminded me in my weakest hour, what I was there for.

Then more hours passes as I, _________, hung in agony, the sins of the world gnawing on every nerve in my flesh. It was now that I realized that even God the Father couldnt' look upon me. I cried, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?" The people still there thought I was confused and filled a sponge with sour wine, pushing it up to my lips.

As soon as the wine touched my lips, I knew the cup had passed. "It is finished,"



So yeah...hope ya'll enjoyed that. Just felt like sharing that with all of ya. It's chilling isn't it? Even if you don't believe any of that stuff...it's still chilling. Well I'm done...I'll talk to everyone again later!

~Falcon

So...Yeah

So...havn't been on here in forever...sorry :( not that anybody reads this but w/e I'm over it. Well hmmm havn't vented in awhile, or told people what's up in my life. Well actually currently nothings up in my life. I found a nice guy, and we talked for about two months and two days ago, he says he got a girlfriend that day...I wanted to cry my eyes out. But then he goes ahead and says that he still loves me and that him having a girlfriend doesn't change his feelings for me or anything. I just don't know what to do or think.

I have a sophmore that has a crush on me, who wants to be called Snow Leopard. Will it work? Probably not, mainly cuz I think of him as my little brother. And well, yeah, just isn't really gonna work, that and he's my best friends little bro. But yeah...yay talking to him right now...it would really help if he didnt' piss me off a lot. Course one of my friends was saying that if he kept on pissing me off the way he has been then he's not worth it. My arguement to them was that he needs friends and I'm gonna stick by him no matter what. They were all like you're weird and I'm like no I'm persistant and I don't leave my friends hanging. But yeah...I'll leave this paragraph like that.

Um...stories...gotta love them *eye roll* So I'm putting my most recent story up on Mibba.com It's titled "Untitled As Of Yet" or you can look up my username Thalkon Roiy Denn. Basically the stories about two riviling gangs who are trying to get the most turf, in a manatropolis area. (kinda like Chicago) but anywho, the gangs names are The Outkasts (they're the good guys) and Bloodlust (obviously the bad guys) but anywho, everythings all hunky dory then one day one of The Outkasts mysteriously disappears, leaving the rest of teh gang to try and find that person. It's a riviting book (or that's what my friends say) and it keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Kay besides all of those points...finals are finally done...which means Second Semester starts Monday! Yay! not...well it's not that bad I guess...we graduate on May 30th. Okay besides ALL of those points...I havn't started my fair projects yet...um oops! And I don't even have a picture picked out yet for teh drawing and painting catagory, I also dont' have a model car picked out and I ALSO havn't started my cross-stitching, mainly because I dont' know the difference between the colors...Off-white and FUCKING EGGSHELL! I mean seriously there isn't a difference between those two colors! Okay...I'm gonna leave everyone with those wonderful thoughts. So, yeah, everyone enjoy there wonderful lives!

~Falcon